I moved to the suburbs of Portland, Oregon from Los Angeles a little more than a year ago. I can say a lot about living here, and not a lot of it positive, but my biggest issue is with the drivers. I'm a pedestrian most of the times, so I cross a lot of streets and let me tell you, the drivers here are super wonky. They will be at the crosswalk, not over the limit lines or anything, and when they see me coming they will reverse half the block so that aren't near me. Or someone will be trying to make a right turn, and I'm not even in the crosswalk yet and they will wait for me to cross the street before turning. I do not like it. It is my biggest pet peeve that I never thought would be a pet peeve. It doesn't make me appreciate this drivers, they aren't making me feel safer, in fact, in a lot of these situations they are making the streets just a little more dangerous.
The point of this is not to rant about Oregon drivers, it's to illustrate the way that I have been living my life. I refer to these drivers as "cautious to the point of recklessness" because nobody is being helped by these actions, but the traffic flow is disrupted, at best, and at worst, accidents happen. But the real point is that I have been living cautiously to the point of recklessness. I do things carefully, I plan obsessively, I have whole notebooks filled with budget calculations and personal chore spreadsheets. But none of these things have gotten me anywhere.
I am more miserable now than I ever have been before. My life hasn't been bad, I've had very little real trauma, but this past year has just been so difficult to get through. And I have come to believe that it is simply because I don't take risks or try anything new. I can't lose weight if I don't change the way I eat, I can't get a better job if I don't network, I can't make friends if I don't talk to strangers. I know this, and I still just don't do any of those things. But it is time to start. Or else I will be trapped here in my misery forever. I will never find success or love, or anything like that if I continue to live in this manner.
So the answer is simple: I need to take more risks. I need to be brave and put myself out there. That is the only way that this life will work. A pity party will just make things worse, and so will sullenly lying on the floor. Every day I need to do something new and scary and I will use this to document my journey. Hell, maybe it won't work out and I will still be here another year from now. But it is certainly worth a shot. Nothing will ever get better if I don't even try. Small things count, it doesn't all have to be death-defying leaps.
Let's do this. Let's take some risks and see where we end up. I hope it's someplace good.