Growing up, I always had this idea that it was most important to be stoic and to keep it all inside. Recently, I have become a massive cry baby. Both extremes certainly have benefits and downfalls, and I have come to realize that neither option is really good for me. I am unhappy. I am so unhappy that I am either in tears or shut down. This is not okay and it is not normal.
That being said, I cannot seem to be able to force myself to get the mental health care that I need. As a service provider I spend the bulk of my work day encouraging people to get mental health care. But when it comes to myself, I will not do it. I do not know why, except that it goes against the stoicism that I have been so proud of in the past. So here I am, telling people the importance of getting help, refusing to get help myself. The question is, can I do it on my own?
So, how does one go about fixing a lifetime of deep melancholy without seeking professional help? Well, I am going to say right now, that I do not recommend it. If you are feeling depressed and that life is no longer worth living, please seek help. Do as I say, not as I do. But for myself, I know that I will not ask for the help. And it is stupid, but it is who I am. I am stubborn enough to attempt to figure this out on my own. If I have not noticed a change in my outlook and emotions in one month, I will seek legitimate mental health care. It is out there, people, I am going to do it. I promise. Maybe all I need is the challenge.